Love By Design

Thank you for reading Alternative Outliers. If you have enjoyed it, the only thing I can ask is that you share it with someone you think will benefit from it.

This week, I've been exploring a topic I enjoy a lot. Romantic Relationships.

The right person does not exist.

Stop wasting time dating the wrong people and wondering why you can't find love. Love is not something you find; it's something you build. If you encounter a toxic person, they are a toxic person. If everyone you encounter is toxic, perhaps it's time to look inward.

Your approach to dating might be keeping you single, unhappy, and hopeless.

You don't want to leave the most important decision of your life to chance. You never make logical decisions based solely on feelings, so why would you do the same when choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with?

If you think this approach lacks romance or that "it shouldn't be planned" because logic and feelings mix well, that's your romance bias talking. Who said it should be this way?

People who “follow their hearts” and ignore practicalities often end up breaking up when the initial love fades because love will always change and evolve, and the spark eases.

The quality of your relationship is measured by how well you handle the lows together.

The quality of your relationship is measured by how well you handle the lows together.

You want to choose who you want to fall in love with.

You don't want butterflies; you want data, key points, and non-negotiables. You want to find someone you'll want to be with 20 years from now.

Actively knowing what you want, what kind of relationship you're looking for, and what you can live without makes it easier to make informed decisions about whom not to date.

Do not rely on feelings that might disappear within two years, wasting time and energy.

Society has programmed you to chase a feeling you might not even understand. When you meet someone sane, if your alarm doesn't go off, that's your sign to give it a chance.

My Problem

I grew up idealizing women. Before even speaking to them, I already "knew" they were perfect. I fantasized about our future, our kids, their names, and how our surnames would merge. This approach led me to ignore fundamental differences or the fact that I hadn’t even met them. Hollywood has brainwashed us with their movies. Their "it could only be you," and the idea that they "always knew" pushed me to chase a feeling that doesn't exist. When I met a woman who liked me and wanted to make it work, I would tell myself she wasn’t the one. It couldn't be; I'd be settling. If I didn’t get butterflies, it wasn't it. How naive.

Most people think they haven’t met their person yet, waiting for a feeling they've never experienced. They waste the best years of their life and miss out on marvellous people with whom they could have had an amazing future, simply because they believe this "drug" should hit harder. Like a junkie looking for the next hit, they either get absorbed by the chase or, when realizing too late, become nihilistic about never finding this treasure they've spent their lives searching for.

How to Properly Think About Love in a Healthy Way:

When I started thinking about marriage, the girl I wanted as my girlfriend was not the same I would want as the mother of my children. That’s when I began to consider my priorities and non-negotiables.

Once that vision became clear, I was no longer impressed by physical appearance, popularity, or what my friends thought of her. I started focusing on what I truly wanted.

People hop from relationship to relationship, wasting the best years of their lives without knowing how to date effectively. As a man, it's not enough just to "get girls." Moving from person to person is as risky as not being able to attract anyone. Scarcity can force you to settle out of fear, while abundance can confuse you. Without clear direction, any wind seems favourable.

You want to know which girl to invest your time, money, and energy in. It's a safer bet.

Learn to find your person by setting your priorities, your non-negotiables and must-avoid by adopting a mindset that fosters happiness and commitment in a long-term relationship.

• Learn how to listen to read the Muted Green Flags.

• How to filter out people so you don't waste your time.

• How to fall in love with someone you want to fall in love with.

To find clarity and be effective in dating ask yourself two questions, and be honest.

• What are you looking for? (Casual or wife)

• What are your nonnegotiable?

• What are your must-avoid?

You need to answer and know what are you going for. Do not make the mistake of going into “relationships” not knowing. Once you have answered the above, the filter by which you meet women will change. If you do It well, you won’t be attracted by shallow things, your conversations will get deeper and knowing what you want will make you more desirable in front of the women who are looking for the same future you do.

Good luck! I hope my framework helps you.

Let me know what are some of your non-negotiables and must-avoid.

I’ll share how I found mine next week x

stay curious, Karam